


Bittersweet Love

by violet_baudelaire



Category: Midsommar (2019)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, Love, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Oneshot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:47:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29975532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violet_baudelaire/pseuds/violet_baudelaire
Summary: “So you don’t love my brother?”“You know I do, so why even ask me that?” I sighed heavily. “You also know he likes Connie, and not me.”Pelle stepped closer to me. “That’s not important. Connie will soon be gone and forgotten. Ingemar cares about you a lot, that’s why he was so against you coming here. I had to persuade him it would be good. For both you and him..."
Relationships: Ingemar (Midsommar)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1
Collections: Movie Fanfiction





	Bittersweet Love

**DISCLAIMER: I don’t own anything to do with Midsommar, just a fan of the movie.**

“It’s so beautiful here...” I remarked, as I gazed around the enormous, grassy meadow that stretches around us for miles. It had taken us roughly four hours to reach this remote area of _Hälsingland_. “Although something feels a little...strange. Perhaps because we’re so far into the countryside, there’s a feeling of isolation here.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Mei.” Ingemar gave me a friendly smile as he stretched his arm out and swept it through the air to indicate all the others around us. “Our commune is like an extended family. We share the highs and lows, the happiness and the misery, celebrating life and death...Nobody is ever alone at _Hårga_.”

“That sounds really nice.” I smiled wistfully. “To have a family you can always rely on.”

The smile disappeared from Ingemar’s face all of a sudden. “I’m really sorry.” He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. His hand felt warm on my bare skin and I was suddenly glad I was wearing a sleeveless dress with thin straps. ”You were so young when your parents died, and foster care was unpleasant for you, but my family here is not like that. You will see for yourself soon.”

“I can already see it, when I look at you. I could see you were raised in a loving home.” I felt a brief twinge of dissatisfaction when Ingemar took his hand away. It had felt so nice having him touch me, although I knew it was just in a friendly way. I suspected Ingemar liked his friend Connie, though she had a boyfriend. I did not know Connie and Simon well at all; in fact I had only met them at Heathrow Airport on the journey over to Sweden. I had met Ingemar after he had come to stay in London on a student visa, and now I could not imagine my life without him in it. “Thanks again for inviting me on this trip. I know you only meant to bring Simon and Connie home with you.”

Ingemar shrugged lightly, and then grinned as he nudged me with his elbow. “No, it was not planned for you to come, but it’s fine, I guess. I know you really wanted a holiday, and I think this will be a very good experience for you. Help you to relax, and have more fun. Are you ready to take some shrooms?”

“Maybe later, Ingemar.”

“No, you said that before when Simon and Connie had some. Then you said it again after you met my brother and his American friends and they had some.” Ingemar frowned at me, taking hold of my hands. I felt a small jolt run through my body at the contact between us. It felt really good. “I’ve been waiting so we can go on a trip, together. Just the two of us.” He gave me a charmingly lopsided smile, his vivid green eyes shining as he gently squeezed both my hands. “We could have some tea, if you like. I added some honey for a sweeter taste. Dani has also had some tea.”

“She did? Dani doesn’t seem like the type. I mean, I know I just met her today. Look, I...” I hesitated, looking down at our joined hands and admiring the mild contrast in our skin tones. “I just don’t know if I want to do this. You know I don’t take drugs.”

Ingemar sighed, dropping my hands. The drop was mirrored in my heart as it sank in disappointment. “Yes you do. Alcohol is a drug, isn’t it? And shrooms are so natural, it’s not like I’m asking you to snort cocaine.” He shook his head slowly, seeming amused. “No pressure though. I guess we can trip together another time.” He sat down in the grass, and I sat next to him. The smile faded away from Ingemar’s face as he looked into the distance. Around us were other members of _Hårga_ , but I knew he was looking at Simon and Connie, who were sitting quietly by a tree snuggled up together. He picked up a Thermos and unscrewed the lid, pouring some lukewarm shroom tea into the Thermos cup. I watched him as he drank some of the tea, then he held the cup out to me. “Are you sure you don’t want to try it?”

“Alright, I’ll have some.” I quickly snatched the cup from his hand and drank the remainder of the tea before I lost the nerve to do it. Ingemar seemed so lonely, and I wanted to distract him. He had me, and I had to support him. I smiled brightly as I realized I had shared an indirect kiss with Ingemar. “That wasn’t so bad, actually...” I bit my lip, anxiety creeping up on me as it sunk in that I had just ingested shrooms. I had never taken drugs before in my life, and despite what Ingemar had told me I did not think it was fair to compare the buzz of alcohol to getting high. “Although...I hope I don’t have a bad trip. People have them sometimes, right? What if I try to run off somewhere? It could be dangerous. I could even die.”

“Die? Here?” Ingemar threw his head back and laughed like I had just told him a hilarious joke. “No, Mei. You’re in one of the safest places in the world. Look at the sun shining so brightly...Breathe in the fresh air, close your eyes and relax. I will be here to protect you if anything happens.” He lay down on the grass, gently tugging on my arm until I lay down next to him, my long jet black hair fanned out around my head. I glanced at him, but he kept looking up at the sky. “No, don’t look at me. Close your eyes and let your mind run free...”

I boldly slipped my hand into his before letting my eyes drift shut. I felt nothing but the joy of spending time alone with Ingemar, and of touching him. My fingers were clasped around his, but he was not reciprocating the hold. Still, he had not drawn his hand away so I counted it as a positive. My heart began to race. I could hear the beat of my heart. Over and over, the same constant rhythm. It was quiet at first, but gradually it got louder. So loud it drowned out the sound of the choral humming that surrounded us.

The darkness behind my closed eyes became oppressive instead of comforting. I suddenly felt like I was being smothered. I opened my eyes and sat up with a gasp. It was not instant, it was a slow movement - I felt like I was moving through treacle. Everything was the same, but different somehow. The world seemed unnaturally luminous, and a little hazy. The trees were swaying, whispering to me in a language I could not decipher.

I blinked, and saw Ingemar’s brother, Pelle, was standing a short distance away, looking down at us quietly. He seemed perplexed, like he was trying to figure out a puzzle. He smiled briefly, when our eyes met, before he walked away.

I don’t know how long I spent staring around at the strange sights. At my side, Ingemar was sitting up slightly, leaning back on his elbows. His light green eyes were electric, his irises blown wide open. He had a serene expression on his face, his lips forming a smile I wanted to cover with my lips. I averted my gaze from him, letting go of his hand. It had been stupid of me to think I could have a good trip with Ingemar. All it was doing was making me want to ruin our friendship.

I had kissed Ingemar once before, and I would never forget the stunned, almost horrified, look I saw on his face. I had been tipsy at the time, but I still knew what I was doing. I’d wrapped my arms around him, pushing my mouth against his awkwardly for a few brief moments. It was exciting for me, but not for Ingemar. He had just frozen, and he had not responded at all. He had told me that he understood it was a mistake, after he hastily disentangled himself from my arms. He told me I was just drunk and we could forget it ever happened.

I only agreed because I did not want to lose him as a friend. It was better to be his friend then nothing at all. To go back to being like strangers. I would hate that. I stood up, putting a hand to my head when the world seemed to spin in front of my eyes. My legs wouldn’t hold me up and I sank back down onto the grass. The world settled again, but the spinning did not stop, it just transferred to my stomach. I could feel myself start heaving, nausea gripping hold of me suddenly. I put a hand over my mouth, trying to will it to stop but it was no use.

“Mei? Are you alright?” Ingemar asked, seeming concerned. He hurriedly swept my hair back from my face as I threw up, a thin watery mess with orange chunks staining the front of my dress and the grass. I vomited once more, and then it was over.

I stared in numb dismay at my ruined dress. There was a horrid taste in my mouth, and my throat felt a little sore. “I’m really sorry,” I whispered.

“Let’s get you cleaned up,” Ingemar sighed, seeming irritated. “I guess I should have known this would happen.” He smiled a tight, contained smile. “Don’t worry; I’m not mad at you. This is all on me.” He picked up my backpack, slipping the strap onto one shoulder. “Hold on to me.” Ingemar placed my arms around his neck as he effortlessly lifted me up off the grass, one hand supporting my back and the other hand tucked under my knees.

Neither of us spoke as he headed into the woods. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, and he gently set me back down onto my feet by a stream. I was still a little unsteady but I could now stand by myself. “Thank you, Ingemar.”

Ingemar held out my backpack. “Can you change on your own or do you need help?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” I hastily replied, practically snatching my backpack from Ingemar’s hand. “I won’t take long.”

“I’ll wait here.” Ingemar walked off a short distance and turned his back. “Just tell me when you’re done.”

I washed my face in the stream. Then I quickly pulled off my dress, turning it inside out and folding it before putting it in my backpack. Ingemar glanced backwards for a few moments, but when our eyes caught each other he turned forward again. I knew I should be embarrassed that he had seen me in my underwear, but I did not care. He was my friend, and although it hurt to admit it, I was not attractive to him so it did not mean anything for him.

Ingemar called back to me, turning his head ever so slightly in my direction. “We should go join the others, because it’s time for us to go to _Hårga_.”

I pulled on a tie dyed t-shirt and a long gypsy skirt before putting away my soiled dress, walking to stand beside him. “I’m ready to go now.”

We walked in silence for a while, and had almost reached the open grassy meadow when Ingemar took hold of my arm. “I’m sorry. I thought you had changed already. If it makes you feel better, I didn’t really see anything.”

“Don’t worry about it.” I pulled my arm away from him slowly, not quite able to hide the bitterness from seeping into my voice. “At least it was just me and not Connie. That would have been really awkward for you, seeing as she has a boyfriend.”

Ingemar laughed uneasily. “Yes, I suppose so.”

“There you are. We wondered where you were.” Connie was walking towards us, holding onto Simon’s hand. Her dark eyes scrutinised us closely, before she gave us a mildly disdainful look. “What have you two been up to, then?”

“Connie...” Simon gave her a warning look. “Just leave it, yeah? It’s their business, not ours.”

“Wait, do you think...?” Ingemar quickly shook his head. “No, no way. Mei and I...we’re just friends.”

I stared at Ingemar for a few moments, his words cutting me more deeply than they usually did. Then I levelled a cool gaze upon Connie, not letting her intimidate me. “Nothing happened between us, if that’s what you’re implying. I had to change because I was sick from the shroom tea. But you should listen to Simon, he’s right that you should just mind your own damn business.”

Connie shrugged her shoulders belligerently, giving me a defiant look. “No need to snap at me, is there? I was only asking...”

“She’s right, Mei,” Ingemar agreed with her. “Why don’t you go and join Dani’s group for now? I’ll catch up to you later.”

I sighed. “Fine, I’ll see you later.” I walked ahead to catch up to Dani, who seemed isolated though she was with a group of four other guys including her own boyfriend.

She seemed pleased to see me, a small smile appearing on her face. “We’ll be there soon, according to Pelle.”

“Hey, Mei!” Mark exclaimed, sidling up beside me and putting his arm around my waist. “Having fun yet?”

“Do you mind, Mark?” Dani gave him a pointed look. “We were just about to have a chat. Alone.”

Mark acted like he had not heard Dani. “So, have you ever dated out of your race before? Because I’ve never dated an Asian girl, but I’d like to say I have.”

I pushed Mark’s arm away, stepping free of his hold. “Sorry, I have a boyfriend.”

“Cool. That’s cool.” Mark seemed put out, but he leered at me. “But remember, he’s not here, is he? If you change your mind, come and find me.”

“I didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” Dani lowered her voice, and we walked slow, leaving us in the back of the group. “I had this feeling you liked Ingemar.”

“No boyfriend. I just wanted to get rid of Mark,” I replied, whispering back to her. “And yes, I do like Ingemar but we’re just friends. He doesn’t think of me...in that way.”

“Mei...” Dani slipped her hand into mine and squeezed it gently. “I’m so sorry to hear that. For what it’s worth, I think you two would make a cute couple.”

I smiled at Dani, her kind words like a soothing balm. “Thanks, Dani.”

“Dani?” Christian came over to us. “We’re almost there, babe. Pelle wants us to meet everyone.”

I let go of Dani’s hand. “It’s okay, you go ahead.”

“You sure?” Dani asked, looking concerned.

“She said she’s fine.” Christian firmly took hold of Dani’s hand, then ushered her over to Pelle. Dani looked back at me and smiled. I returned her smile, glad I had met her. It was not long before we all passed through the ornate wooden triangle archway that led into the _Hårga_ commune.

I had met some of the commune population already, but only at a distance. Now, they were all surrounding us. Everyone dressed all in white, men in tunics and short trousers with coloured embroidery, women with dresses or blouses and skirts. They converged upon us with friendly smiles, offering hugs and greetings. It was a really lovely welcome.

A tall, slender man with fair hair and blue eyes was the first person to approach me, with a bright smile. “Welcome home.” He embraced me tenderly, and I felt comforted as I returned his embrace. He drew back, his hands moving up to cup hold of my face as he stared into my eyes. Then he bent his head and pressed his lips against mine. I stood there frozen, unsure what to do. I did not want to be rude; although he was a complete stranger I knew he was just being friendly. And I remembered how much it hurt when Ingemar had failed to respond to my kiss. So I kissed him back quickly, and then smiled back at him, trying to pretend I was comfortable with the situation.

“I am Wilhelm.” The man finally released his hold on me, to my relief. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here, but I am pleased you came.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Wilhelm. I’m Mei.” I held out my hand to him, and then pulled it back realizing we had already greeted each other so a handshake was useless at this point. However, Wilhelm did not seem to think it was unnecessary as he clasped my hand in both of his hands.

“Wilhelm!” Pelle exclaimed, clapping Wilhelm on the back with a smile that seemed a little strained. “Oskar wants to see you.”

“Right now?” Wilhelm frowned at Pelle. “I am still welcoming our guests.” 

“Yes, right now,” Pelle stated firmly.

Wilhelm nodded, slowly letting go of my hand. “I’ll see you later, _söt tjej_.”

Pelle offered me a skewer which had strawberry pieces on it. “Here, Mei. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I took the skewer from him and bit into the fruit. It was a little sharp, but still sweet. “Does Wilhelm have a girlfriend?”

“You can’t be with him,” Pelle snapped, his harsh words softened by the kind smile that appeared on his face. “Sorry to be so abrupt. What I mean is that he is not right for you.”

“It’s fine. I don’t want to date him. And I know he was just being friendly. Although...has anyone from your commune ever dated an outsider? I mean, if an outsider was willing to follow all the rules here, could they join your commune?”

Pelle remained silent for a few moments, and then gave me a wry half smile and a sharp look. “Perhaps. If they were loyal enough, proved that they could be a useful member of the commune. Most importantly, they would have to be prepared to give up their old life forever. To start afresh with us. Could you do that?”

I felt my face heat up slightly. “Yes, but we both know I’ll be leaving here after my holiday.”

“So you don’t love my brother?”

“You know I do, so why even ask me that?” I sighed heavily. “You also know he likes Connie, and not me.”

Pelle stepped closer to me. “That’s not important. Connie will soon be gone and forgotten. Ingemar cares about you a lot, that’s why he was so against you coming here. I had to persuade him it would be good. For both you and him. Did you know Ingemar’s star sign is compatible with yours?” Pelle laughed, seeing the confused look on my face. “He wanted to protect you, as crazy as that sounds. Not everyone can cope with the way we live here.”

‡‡‡‡

Seven days later I knew what Pelle meant. The others I had arrived with were all gone. Burned in a special sacrificial ceremony that only happened once every ninety years. The others were already dead when they were placed into the Sacred House of Sacrifice the as were two of the older Hårgans. I felt horrible for the others, even though Pelle had tried to rationalize it by saying they all made bad mistakes. It was horrible, but I was ashamed that I felt relieved that Connie would not be around anymore. I was glad that I had only made one friend amongst the others. Dani. She and I were the only survivors.

Dani had even been crowned the May Queen, but she was a nervous wreck and I was unsure how long it would take her to recover. I knew Pelle would help her settle into the commune. Even though I had not known Christian long, it was clear his relationship with Dani had not been a good one. He had even forgotten her birthday, and Dani had confided in me that Christian had not even wanted her to come on the trip at all. It was Pelle who had subtly encouraged Christian to bring Dani, and Pelle who gifted Dani with a beautiful self-portrait on her birthday. It was Pelle who Dani would become one with when she was ready. 

Ingemar had been spared from volunteering as one of the two Hårgans who would be live sacrifices. I felt sick to my stomach to think how he would have perished by being burned alive had it not been for Pelle. Although they were not blood brothers, Pelle considered Ingemar to be his brother and so did not want to see Ingemar die even though Ingemar was a willing volunteer. So, Pelle had lied to the commune Elders that Ingemar had already become one with me and that I was already pregnant.

I could not say anything to the contrary, as it would mean that Ingemar’s life would be forfeited. I could not bear to let that happen, and I also did not want to die yet. The Hårgans had so quickly and ruthlessly killed the others, and they could do the same to me easily. I was not like Dani, who had a connection to a Hårgan man admired by the commune and she looked a lot like the Hårgans too. She fit right in, with her green eyes, blonde hair and fair complexion. Nobody else at the commune was like me, except some of the others who the Hårgans had sacrificed.

I hoped that if Ingemar and I could commit to Pelle’s lie we could survive. At least until we turned seventy-two, when all Hårgans were expected to commit suicide. I had already witnessed two of the oldest Hårgans commit suicide by jumping off a tall cliff, and the sight had been horrific. I took some comfort in the fact that I still had many years to go before that time, and that since I was two years older than Ingemar I would not have to watch him die.

I still loved Ingemar deeply, but my passionate admiration for him burned less brightly when I thought about his betrayal. He would have happily sacrificed himself if Pelle had not stopped him, leaving me behind to grieve and face whatever was in store for me as the only commune outsider if I was permitted to live. I did not know whether they would have gotten rid of me or had me become one with another Hargan man if Ingemar had died. I also knew now that Ingemar had chosen Connie and Simon to come on the trip because he knew they would be clear choices to be sacrificed. He had wanted revenge against them for Connie’s rejection of him and choosing to get engaged with Simon.

It felt like Ingemar was a different person all of a sudden, and I felt like a different person too. My life was irrevocably changed, as was his. It was two days after the special sacrificial ceremony had taken place, and we still had not had a proper chance to talk yet. Wherever we went, the other Hårgans were always around and I had the feeling Ingemar was avoiding talking to me. It did not help that we had to stay in the main house; there was no privacy to be had there. Dani was barely coping, but with encouragement from Pelle and support from me and the other Hårgan girls who had befriended her she was slowly recovering from the trauma she had faced. Dani was very uncomfortable around Maja and stayed far away from her. I did the same, in solidarity with Dani.

Having a bed directly next to Ingemar, and being known in the commune as one heart, was a bittersweet feeling. I knew Ingemar did not feel the same way about me as I felt about him. I could only hope he cared enough about me to stay by my side. I kept myself busy with chores and tried not to think about him too much, but it was impossible. Especially when soon we would move to the commune’s permanent village and share our own little house.

While I was running some clothes through a mangle, Wilhelm approached me. The other women working in the laundry smiled as he came to stand next to me, watching us closely.

“Hey, how are you, _söt tjej_?” He smiled down at me. “You look so pretty today.”

This caused some of the younger women to giggle behind their hands and whisper to themselves. “Thanks. I’m alright, just busy washing the clothes.”

“Go and chat to Wilhelm.” Tilde shooed me away from the mangle. “You deserve to take a break; you’ve been here for hours.”

Wilhelm held out his arm to me. “Shall we go for a walk, then?”

“I guess so,” I replied, gingerly resting my hand on his arm. “Just a short walk. I have some other chores I need to complete.”

As we walked out of the laundry room, Wilhelm tucked my hand firmly into the crook of his arm. As soon as we were out of earshot of the women, he gave me a hopeful look. “You don’t seem happy, these past few days. I know it’s been a big shock to you, coming from the outside, but you will adapt in time. For Ingemar’s sake, and perhaps for my sake?”

“What?” I stopped walking. “Wilhelm...You know we can only be friends, don’t you? You’re a lovely man, but I’ve become one with Ingemar.”

Wilhelm shrugged, his blue eyes sparkling as he smirked at me. “I don’t mind. Just as you became one with Ingemar, you can become one with me also. If he is willing to share you, then I am happy to do the same. Unions between more than two people are not frowned upon here.”

I smiled uneasily at him. “But I do mind, Wilhelm. I’m not a toy to be passed around, you understand that, right?”

“Of course, _sot tjej_.” Wilhelm seemed insulted by my words as he frowned at me. “I only intend to become one with you, no other woman. And I would be far more attentive to you than Ingemar has been. I don’t actually believe you’re pregnant, or that he has become one with you. I don’t even think he loves you like you love him.

The timing is too convenient; I know he was ready to sacrifice himself. And truthfully, I don’t think the Elders really believed Pelle’s story but they accepted it because they are very fond of him. He is a natural leader, and they hope he will lead the Elders when the time is right. So he was able to save Ingemar, but the Elders will expect you to bear a child to expand the commune as Pelle promised you would.”

I looked around, to make sure nobody had heard him. “Wilhelm!” I exclaimed sharply, taking my hand off his arm. “That’s not true. I have become one with Ingemar, and we’re deeply in love.”

“No, no, you don’t fool me, Mei.” Wilhelm shook his head slowly, clasping my hand in his own as he stared at me solemnly. “Look, most of the commune believes you now, but the Elders won’t like it if the others find out Pelle was lying. They didn’t like it when Connie made such a terrible fuss at the cliff, she spoiled what was meant to be a peaceful death for them. And they blame Ingemar for bringing her here.”

“Please...” I implored him. “Don’t say anything to anyone else about this. Ingemar...he’s made some mistakes, I know. But he is a good man, and I love him.”

Wilhelm leaned down to kiss the top of my head, then smiled softly at me. “It’s strange but that is one of the reasons I like you so much, your unfaltering loyalty towards a man who won’t ever love you like you love him.”

Suddenly I saw red, and snapped at his hurtful words. My free hand lashed out and I slapped his face, leaving a small, faint imprint on his cheek.

Wilhelm’s gaze on me turned cold, his smile becoming strained as he dropped his hold on my hand. I stepped towards him and he took a step back.

“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you, the truth is you’re right about everything and it hurts so much...” I stood on my tiptoes and threw my slender arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. It did not feel quite right, because he was not Ingemar. But I did feel bad for hitting him and I knew I had to placate him somehow, for Ingemar’s sake and for my own. “Can you forgive me?” I mumbled against his neck. “If you can, then...” I faltered, unable to bear what I was telling him. It was a surreal moment, but not the first or the last I was sure I would have since I had come to _Hälsingland_.

Wilhelm gently disentangled my arms from around his neck and held me at arm’s length. “Then what?” He asked uncertainly. “No, don’t say anything. I don’t want to force you to be with me, but just think about what I’ve said. I won’t tell anyone, but if you change your mind then I’ll be waiting for you. I was careless with your feelings, because I was selfishly thinking about what I wanted. But I could be good for you, I’ll take care of you. Just think about what I’ve said.” He squeezed my shoulders gently before reluctantly letting go of me and walking away with his head hung low.

I was relieved, but at the same time I wondered why I kept watching Wilhelm as he left. There was no space in my heart for any man apart from Ingemar, even if he never loved me back.

“Mei...”

I turned when I heard the voice I knew so well, feeling guilty although nothing had really happened between me and Wilhelm. “Ingemar? How long were you standing there for?”

Ingemar smiled at me but it seemed strained. “Not long. I’m sorry if you thought I was avoiding you, but I just had a lot of things to think about. I thought I would die, and I wanted...” He glanced around furtively. “No, we can’t talk here.” He held out his hand to me. “Let’s go into the woods to talk, it’s more private.”

“You would make it quick, wouldn’t you?” I asked, as I took hold of his hand and let him lead me into the depths of the woods. “The others...they didn’t have quick deaths, did they?”

Ingemar stopped walking and put his hands on my shoulders as he stared at me intently. “What are you talking about? You’re one of us now, nothing’s going to happen to you.”

I stared back into the beautiful green depths of his eyes, and I desperately wanted to believe him. “But you’re a liar. And so is Pelle, though he spoke the truth he lied by omission. And you know what the worst part is, apart from the senseless sacrifices? That even if I had a chance to go back in time and not meet you, I wouldn’t take it. Because I love you. I’m not asking you to love me back, but you have to pretend you care about me at least. For your sake, if not for mine. Wilhelm knows. He knows, Ingemar. That we’ve not...become one. That we won’t have a baby together. He told me that polygamy is accepted here. He wants to share me with you.”

“No, Mei,” Ingemar snapped, looking furious all of a sudden, his grip tightening slightly on my arms. “It’s never going to happen. You belong to me, and I..” He hesitated, his face softening as he continued to talk. “And I do care about you, Mei. You’re gorgeous, smart and you have such a kind heart. I’ve always appreciated your friendship, but now it’s time to take our friendship to another level. You and Pelle saved my life, and I will never forget that.”

Ingemar pulled me close and wrapped his arms around me. “I can’t believe I was so stupid to think that I could just get rid of the pain I felt by killing myself. That I was so selfish, to think about abandoning you and Pelle. I knew you would be fine, that you would be taken in by the commune. And Pelle had Dani, so I thought you both would be alright without me. At first I was angry, when Pelle prevented me from sacrificing myself. I felt like he had cheated me, but as I stood there watching the Sacrificial House burn, all I could hear was Ulf’s terrible screams. The sap from the yew tree did nothing for him, he died in anguish and that could have happened to me. In the end I realized that I was the one who could have cheated you of a life partner, and cheated Pelle of a brother.”

I held Ingemar tightly, taking comfort from his embrace and pretending it did not hurt my heart to be so close to him when he did not love me as I did him. But I still had hope for the future, that he could grow to love me in time. Eventually I reluctantly let go of him. He smiled at me and I returned his smile with a sad smile of my own. “So where do we go from here?” I asked. “We need to fake being in love, so it would be good if we shared some kisses in public, and held hands more often.”

Ingemar wrapped one of his hands around the back of my neck, pulling me closer and leaning down to crush his lips against mine. I was taken aback, but it was not long before I locked my arms around his waist and returned his kiss with a heated fervency. When Ingemar broke our kiss I was breathless, a pink flush rising on my face as he gently cupped my face in his hands. “I want us to become one.”

He kissed me again, his lips pressing against mine softly this time. There was a burning intensity in his gaze as he stared down at me and intertwined our fingers together. “To really become one, Mei. No barriers between us anymore. I’m done with the past, I want you to look forward to the future we’re going to share.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, staring up at him in a daze of wonder combined with shock. “You mean....?”

Ingemar nodded slowly, tugging on my hands to make me sit down on the soft mossy grass with him. “Yes, Mei. It’s what you want too, isn’t it?”

“You know I’ve always been waiting for you,” I replied, then gave him a shy smile as my stomach twisted itself into knots. My heart felt like it was beating in double time. “But where should we...” I looked around the clearing we were in, surrounded by dense greenery. “Here?” I questioned. “Do you think anyone would catch us?”

Ingemar shook his head slowly, taking off his shirt and shoes before crawling behind me to unbutton my dress as I slipped my ballet flats off of my feet. He swept my long black hair back away from my face, leaving a tender trail of kisses leading from my cheek down to my neck as he pushed the dress down to my hips. My bra was soon unlatched and thrown to the side, then his hands were gently caressing my breasts as he sunk his teeth into my neck lightly.

At this point I was leaning back into him, feeling a slow burning pleasure form inside from his touch. After Ingemar tugged the dress down free of my body, he knelt by my side. His fingers began to rub maddeningly soft circles on my most intimate area above the soft fabric of my panties. It was not long before I was slightly damp from the arousal, and craving to have him inside me. He did not make me wait for long, quickly stripping me of my panties before getting rid of his trousers.

Now we were both naked. I felt a little self-conscious under his gaze, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted me too. He was already erect, and for a few moments I worried about the pain he might cause me as it was my first time but I knew it would be worth it. This was a dream come true for me. He gently spread my legs, and I gasped when he leaned down to latch his mouth onto my right breast, sucking on my nipple as one of his fingers gently pushed inside my slick, tight warmth. When he moved his mouth to my left breast, he slowly inserted one more finger into me.

I winced, feeling the intrusion more keenly this time but the pleasure was intensifying the more he rubbed against my inner walls. Ingemar spread his fingers inside me, gently stretching me as he moved to lie between my legs. He was entirely focused on where his fingers were sinking in and out of me at a fast pace, but I could hardly focus at all. His green eyes were dark with desire as he looked at me with a lustful gaze. “Mei, I can’t wait anymore, I have to take you now.”

I nodded, my heart racing once more as he settled on top of me. He interlaced our hands together and pressed my hands up against the soft grass to anchor me in place as he lowered his face to mine and kissed me deeply. He bit my lip suddenly, and it distracted me as he pushed his hard length inside me slowly. It hurt a lot, and I shut my eyes against a sudden onslaught of prickling heat behind my eyes which meant I was close to tears. Ingemar peppered soft kisses over my face as he fit himself inside my body. At first, all I could do was quietly endure the discomfort of his thrusts but after a while the pleasure I had felt before appeared again . It started off with mild pleasant shocks coursing through my body, but soon strong, powerful waves of pleasure radiated through me as he built up to a rhythmic thrust inside me.

My mind became hazy from the pleasurable daze he had put me in, and I started to move against him, murmuring his name and nonsensical things as he drove into me harder. I could feel myself perspiring lightly and his skin against mine felt clammy as he was perspiring too. Ingemar was less vocal than me, but I hoped he was enjoying himself just as much as I was. I whimpered in disappointment when he suddenly pulled out of me, but he grinned as he smoothly pulled me up so my legs were hooked over his shoulders. He leant down to kiss me again, muffling the gasp I made when he thrust back inside me, the angle of my raised hips allowing him to penetrate deeper inside me than he had before. I felt a thrill run through me, the intensity of the pleasure almost becoming too much for me to bear and I shakily tried to put my hands against his hips to slow him down but he soon gently pinned my hands back up by my head. I moaned loudly, helplessly succumbing to the intensity of a strange yet gratifying euphoria, repeating his name like a hallowed chant as I fell into a bliss I had never felt before. He tensed up, and I felt the warmth of his seed as he released inside of me.

Ingemar murmured something indecipherable before he withdrew from me and laid down by my side. After a few moments, I turned to Ingemar and tried to embrace him but he quickly scrambled to his feet to avoid my touch. He had a strange expression on his face, which almost seemed like guilt. “We need to head back before someone misses us.” He picked up his clothes and shoes, quickly getting dressed.

I silently gathered up my underwear and dress and put them back on, hurt and confused by his sudden switch in attitude. I felt sore and I had bled a little, so I knew I would have to wash and change into fresh clothing soon. “What’s wrong?” I asked, as I slowly stood back onto my feet and slipped into my ballet flats. “You don’t regret it, do you?”

“What?” Ingemar seemed surprised. “Of course not!” He exclaimed, smiling at me widely, but it was a smile that did not seem to reach his eyes, which shone with unease. “I didn’t hurt you too much, did I? I know it was your first time.”

I quickly shook my head. “No, don’t worry, it was amazing,” I assured him, then smiled at him tentatively, outstretching my hand to him and trying not to think of why he had rejected my touch before.

After a little hesitation, Ingemar took my hand and led the way out of the clearing. “We should do this again soon, hopefully it won’t take a long time for us to be blessed with a child like the Elders want.”

“But Ingemar, are you sure that’s what you want too?” I asked, no longer able to bear not knowing if what I suspected was true. “Tell me, was a part of you thinking about Connie when we slept together? Do you wish she was here with you instead of me?”

Ingemar stayed silent for a few moments, a pained expression taking over his face. “I don’t want to lie to you, Mei. It was just one passing thought I had about her and then I snapped out of it.”

It was not the first time Ingemar had hurt me but it felt worse than the other times. I gave him a wan smile, holding onto his hand even tighter as I held back tears. My heart was aching, and I felt sick to my stomach to think that he had thought about Connie while we were intimate for the first time. I was not sure I believed him when he said it was one passing thought. But I knew it was not fair of me to expect him to just forget about Connie, and I wished I had never asked him. “Then don’t lie. I shouldn’t have asked you a question like that. I’m just happy that we can be together now.”

Ingemar raised my hand to his lips and kissed it softly, his eyes alight with a fond warmth as he looked at me. “You’re incredible; you know that, don’t you? I really...care about you, Mei. The stars were never aligned for me and Connie. Pelle always thought you would be a good match for me, and I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize that he was right. You’re the woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and we’ll have the family I know you’ve always wanted.”

My heart lifted slightly, even as tears finally trickled down my face and I let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh. At least he felt something for me. Though it was not love, he did feel some affection for me, so I was able to cling to the faint hope that one day he would love me too.

**Thanks for reading :)**


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